One More Time
by Yume-damo-shirinai
Summary: Subaru is devastated after the events of Rainbow bridge and is approached by Fuma with a offer. He gets one more chance with Seishirou to make his wish come true, but there is a catch. He won't remember anything after Seishirou left him 9 years ago...
1. Falling Snow

A/N: Hey everyone! I know you'll all probably be mad at me for posting this up first and not updating instead but I've been dying to post this and get it out of my head for months. Maybe it's because recently, I've become obsessed with X again, I don't know… But I've wondered what Subaru might have been thinking after the incident at Rainbow Bridge. Well this prelude is my insights on his thoughts and feelings after Seishirou left him. Anyway, just and enjoy and some feedback is appreciated. Thanks!

Disclaimer: why am I putting this up?? Ughh.. I don't own Subaru ,Seishirou or any of the other characters in X.CLAMP does….. Sigh.

One-shot: Falling Snow : Aftermath

I sit on a chair in my apartment. Everything in it all bleak, black and empty. It's not surprising that that's how I feel right now. People have said what you find in people's rooms reflect their personality.

Everything is all standing still right now , my mind is forever stuck in that memory. Why couldn't you have just killed me right then and there? I was lagging, and you knew it didn't you?….Instead, you chose to die…like Hokuto and leave me here on this desolated place alone. 

I can't cry anymore. I've already cried all I had left out. It's always like this isn't it? You crush my heart, smile, and walk away as if nothing happened. Now, when it was time to crush my heart for the last time, you instead forced me to crush your own-literally. 

All I wanted…was to be killed by you, to die by your hands. That was my wish. Feeling your warm hands plunged into my chest and penetrating my heart, I would have smiled and gladly died right there. But instead, I became the killer and you took my place as the victim.

Maybe I should die now. Drown in my own tears and misery. I can't turn back time. Even if I did, I probably wouldn't have been able to change anything. It would still be the same. The same fate unchanging and relentless.

I wonder what Hokuto would say to me if she saw me now. She'd probably berate me for sitting around, doing nothing letting life pass me by. Then she'd tell me to find something to live for and be happy. But how much longer did I have to live on? Without the people I loved most in my life, without the only thing that would have made me truly happy?

I guess that all I have left now are those bittersweet memories from the past, of days long gone. The past where you were that kind veterinarian and I was just a naïve teenager. I would do anything to have those days back again, even if you weren't the kind person I thought of you as. I would sell my soul to the devil, go to hell and back just to have you back again.

Even if you killed my sister, I can't hate you. I couldn't erase your memory from my heart and move on in life. We were the opposites of a coin, good and evil, black and white; sworn enemies. But I couldn't hate you, couldn't kill you. When you said that I was a kind person, is this what you meant?

Those last moments play over and over in my head again, never-ending. Your last words haunt me, echo in my head, repeating over and over again. The dead don't return to life…but even in death you still haunt me, torture me. 

Did you say those last words of yours to torture me, knowing I would never expect you to say that? Knowing you would die and I would never get the truth from you? 

I don't want to think about it anymore. My hands are numb, unfeeling, my eyes unfocused, seeing nothing. My ear s deaf, hearing nothing. I just sit there like and empty shell, my heart beating on even though my consciousness is slowly dying. Even as I stare out my window now, watching the fallen snow slowly drift towards the ground, where you are; I can't let you go …. Because I'll forever keep you locked in a little corner of my heart.

To be cont….

A/N: How was it? I guess it could have been longer… Maybe I'll edit it another day. It would be nice to get some feedback! Thanks, and I better get back to my other fic before people start trying to kill me. 

Preview of next chappie"

"Your wish… it can't be granted you know." Subaru said nothing as he acknowledged the Dragon of Earth with expressionless eyes. 

"But… since that is your wish. I can give you one more chance to fulfill it."

Subaru's eyes flickered for a moment. Then his lips moved slightly and he said,

"How?"

Hehe…Ja!


	2. An Offer with the Devil

A/N: Okay, I'm back on track now and I should be updating pretty much every week or so. I really should work on my other fic, so I guess I'll be alternating between each one, so that's my current schedule. uh. Now what should I say??? Anyway, I'll stop talking and get on with it before I take up a whole page talking about random things.-_-;;; Oh and also, this chapter is also from Subaru's POV although in chapter 1, I put in the preview 3rd person POV.

Disclaimer: I can wish can't I?!?! CLAMP owns X and its characters. but I don't.

Part 2: An offer from the Devil

I had done nothing for weeks, I just sat, stared and when I got hungry enough, got up and actually took a few bites of something. Today was about the same as any other day , the endless routine of just sitting and staring at the window. 

Strange thing was, I found myself getting up and walking over to change. I found myself in a black turtleneck, black trench coat, pants and boots. I opened the door and went outside for the first time in a while.

Walking around Tokyo, I saw much of the damage done while I had been away. Back then, I might have actually cared, but now. it didn't matter to me. Nothing did. I wonder, am I starting to see things like Seishirou did? Like everything to me was nothing but and object?

I shook that thought from my mind. I didn't want to think about it. It was too painful to recall, to painful to see those last moments in my mind over and over again.

I tensed suddenly and I noticed someone behind me. It was the Kamui of the Dragons of Earth. I wonder what he wanted with me, as he should know now that I had nothing to protect, I could no longer put up a kekkai. For a second, I thought about Kamui and the others. But most likely, he came just to finish me off. 

I turned around and faced him. My voice sounded hoarse after not using it for some time.

"What. do you want?"

He smirked suddenly and I found myself seeing Seishirou again. I closed my eyes, then opened them again as I waited for his answer.

" You wish. it can't be granted you know."

I said nothing as I acknowledge him with my expressionless eyes. I knew that quite well, that my wish couldn't come true. 

He continued," But. since that is your fondest wish, I can give you one more chance to fulfill it.

I felt myself slowing drawing what he had just said in. Was that true? That I could get one more chance? I stared at him and choked out,

"How?"

He smirked again, jumped and sat down on the ledge above me, and I followed suit, landing on a ledge in front him.

I felt the wind brush my hair across my cheek and I asked again.

"How?"

"Impatient, are we?" He said. " I can turn back time. to right before you meet him at Nakano. You have all that time to try and change the outcome of your fight at Rainbow Bridge. But, by doing so, you are most likely to meet Kamui and the others later than you did."

I nodded slightly. There had to be a catch to this though, the last meeting I had with the Kamui of the Dragons of Earth, I walked away with one less eye.

" You will not act out your duties as a Dragon of Heaven during that time, but you shall meet me again to save Kamui at Ikebukuro. Also. you will not remember anything after Seishirou left you 9 years ago. Except for the fact that you are a Dragon of Heaven ." he grinned clearly enjoying what was to come.

"So. you mean I will still act like my 16 year old self." 

It was more of a question than a statement. The Dark Kamui smiled and said,

"Yes."

"But why offer me this second chance?" I asked. It wasn't like him to do this kind of thing. 

He only smiled at me mysteriously and said," Because that is your fondest wish, and just as I will grant the Earth's fondest wish, I shall grant yours."

He jumped down from where he was sitting and looked up at me.

" Our little offer starts when you wake up tomorrow, Subaru-kun. we shall see the outcome soon enough." And in a flash, he disappeared.

Something inside me told me that he knew what would happen. But now, I didn't care. All I though about on my way back was the offer he made me. And somehow, I was going to make that wish of mine come true. But, how was I to do that if when I woke up tomorrow, I wouldn't remember what my wish was? I didn't know how to deal with that. 

I stopped thinking about the Dark Kamui's words and sat down. They would haunt me like Seishirou's did ,if I continued to think about it. Slowly, I settled down in my chair, my heart more comforted than it had been in months. Staring out the window , I began doing my daily routine of watching the world outside slowly come tumbling down around me.

To be continued.

A/N: Maybe this chapter is a little short. I'm not too sure uh. okay, back to working o Rayearth after this. Anyway, let me know what you think and criticism and opinions appreciated. Thanks.

Preview of the Next Chapter.

Subaru woke up to a hazy sight. everything hurt all over. He took a quick look at his surroundings and pushed the dark sheets off his body. He was covered with bandages. The door opened and his eyews widened slightly as he saw the figure.

"Sei- Seishirou-san?" he gasped.

That's it for now! Ja!


	3. Awakenings

A/N: Whew… I was told by a friend that my chapters were too short and looking back at it, I think so too. So I'll try to make the chapters a lot longer from now on. (Hopefully, not running out of ideas while doing that too…)Now should I let this fic have a happy ending or a sad one? Um… I should stop talking now shouldn't I? Okay! On with the story.

NOTE: This chapter takes pact after the events of vol,9 , but before the events of vol.12. (Sometime during the events of vol.10~11)

Disclaimer: For those people who actually bother with this legal crap, I don't own X. CLAMP does but hopefully, someday, I can buy Seishirou and Subaru from them.^-^

Part 3 : Awakening

I feel that I did nothing but toss and turn in my feverish dreams, walking down an endless corridor of nightmares and illusions. I saw fragments of memories in them, as I passed each image from the past. Days when I was still the naïve 16 year old, days when I still saw Seishrou as the kind veterinarian who Hokuto and I were close to. The past replayed itself in a form of an nightmare, giving me a feeling of déjà vu that I knew all too well. I guess that I was awakened from someone shaking me, bringing me out of my nightmare and back into reality. One I couldn't bear.

I opened my eyes slowly and met the face of a young teenager with a feminine-like face and large lavender eyes. He asked,

" Are you okay, Subaru-san? You seemed to be having a nightmare." he sounded concerned as he held my hand .

I nodded and took a look at my surroundings. I wondered where I was, since I couldn't remember anything that happened…besides the fact that Seishirou was the Sakurazukamori; and that he had killed Hokuto. I took a look around again. I seemed to be in a very bleak apartment, with virtually nothing in it but a bed, light and a telephone/answering machine. Strange thing was, I felt like home in the gloomy place. I turned my attention back to the boy and asked,

"Pardon me for asking, but do I know you? " I found it interesting when his large eyes widened at me and he blushed slightly and answered,

"Subaru-san, are you feeling alright? I am Kamui, Dragon of heaven and you are one too. And this is your apartment. " his soft voice echoed slightly in the room

I lifted an hand up to my face and rubbed at my eyes. Hokuto would have a fit at me if she saw me living like this… I bowed my head down and feeling his embarrassment, I grinned awkwardly and said,

" Okay… so you're Kamui-san right? And I'm a Dragon of Heaven… and…please, can you tell me where are we and how did I get here?" I felt really awkward right now. Sitting here with this boy that seems to know me quite well yet, I have no idea who he is. It was really interesting, although I really felt bad for putting him into a position like this.

I smiled genuinely trying to make him feel more comfortable with me and asked,

"I'm sorry for making you feel so awkward, but I really don't know who you are and where I am and what I have to do with this dragon of heaven thing."

I noticed his lavender eyes narrow down slightly in suspicion and he explained everything to me, how he and the other dragons had found me one day after a battle and how I had remained unconscious for several days. I listened carefully the whole time, not sure to believe what was happening. In my mind raced several questions, what happened to Seishirou after he left? Where was Hokuto? What kind of relationship did I exactly have with these strangers. I didn't know and wanted to find out, but thought it was rude to ask. 

I simply waited until he was done explaining things to me and I know he was holding some things back. I didn't pry and instead, I asked him if I could have some time alone to rest and think things over. Reluctantly , he left me alone in the room. 

I waited a few minutes before getting out of bed. I looked around and found what seemed to be my clothes and put them on. Inwardly, I muffled a giggle. Hokuto would kill me if she ever saw me wearing something like this she would kill me. I paused, thinking about what had happened and decided I wasn't going to think about Hokuto. I couldn't accept what had happened between the last encounter with Hokuto and Seshirou. The last thing I remember, it had been about 6 months after we knew Hokuto was dead.

I opened the door slightly and peeked out, making sure there was no one in the long hallway before I went out. I didn't want anyone to worry about my health and put me back in bed. And I knew that the young boy Kamui was around somewhere, worrying about my physical and mental health. My body felt as if it could really use a long rest, but I decided to head on out. 

I managed to sneak all the way to the last door before finally being noticed. In my haste, I bumped into someone when I opened the door. I found myself facing a stoic-looking girl with long black hair, wearing a schoolgirl's uniform and holding flowers. She asked,

"Subaru-san, where are you going? I believe that you are supposed to be in bed." 

I bowed, flushed and said," Gomen nasai, but I have something I must do. Please forgive me." 

Her eyes narrowed for a moment and her eyes hardened, she said hastily, " It isn't another spirit shield is it? I will go."

I shook my head. And then, I bowed once more saying goodbye and rushed out before anyone could stop me. It seemed that Tokyo was the same city as always, but if one looked closely, you could see the endless destruction done by the infamous Dragons of Earth. People were homeless everywhere, countless building ravaged and there was nothing you could do about it. My heart ached for these people, desperately wanting to help them. 

There was a little girl in the rubble of a building that once stood tall, scratching her fragile hands, digging through the mass of refuse, looking for something dear to her. I couldn't help it, walking up to her and kneeling down so I could see her dirty face.

" Miss? What are you looking for? You should find someone to help you find whatever it is that you're looking for."

She looked at me with blank eyes and I stared deep into them. I recognized the look quite well, it was the same one I had after Seishirou had left, telling me that I was nothing more to him than an object. The look that said one had given up on life. 

The girl looked at me for a moment. Then whispered, " I am looking…. For mama. She was there one minute then everything fell down. Momma is somewhere under here…" 

I stared for a moment in the giant mound, trying to sense any sign of life under there. There wasn't and I didn't know how to break the news to the girl. I didn't want to leave her there, but I also didn't want her to be devastated at the truth. As if she had read my mind, she turned away from my face and said, 

"I know mama isn't there is she?… But I still wanna try to find her. I want to see her smile again… and tell me… that everything was okay." 

I admired her for her courage. She couldn't have been more than 8 years old. Se continued digging through the rubble stuck in that frame of time when then building had crashed down, burying everything she held dear with it. I wanted to help, but the most I could do was provide her with a temporary illusion… and hope she would find a better place. I continued walking, not aware of someone following me, watching my every move. But I continued moving.

I had arrived at my destination, Ueno Park. I looked up at the Sakura tree, feeling the pain of all the souls trapped in it, and the one person that I cared for most was responsible for their pain. I walked up to the tree, touching it softly I had one wish right now that I was certain of, and that was to see Seishirou again. I wanted him to acknowledge me, see me as something more than an object, as a living being that actually mattered to his cold, dark world. Caught up in my thoughts, I didn't noticed someone behind me.

"Fancy meeting you here, Subaru-kun. Tell me, how have you been? It's been a while since I saw you last." 

I knew that voice, scent and presence anywhere. One that I hated, yet loved; one that I admired, yet despised. I forced myself to look at him, willing my eyes to not betray a single emotion to the cold mask on his handsome face.

"Seishirou-san…"

He smiled at me with the ever- polite mask, I could decipher what he was thinking, anticipate what he would do. I was one the edge of a cliff, expecting the unexpected so much that one breeze would push me down.

" Ah, don't the Sakura trees look beautiful today? But I daresay you know the reason for their beautiful pink color. It is because of the people buried under there…" 

He was mocking me and I knew it. Knowing I was still nothing but a naïve teenager under everything, no matter how hard I tried to hide it.

" So…" He remarked with a pleasant tone, " Are you here to kill me? To end this cycle of revenge once and for all?" He laughed and said, " you're so cute Subaru-kun." And our fight started.

It happened so quickly, but if felt to me as if it where something totally usual, something I did everyday. I hesitated a bit and Seishirou made the first move.

He threw some of his ofuda at me, chanting some words and transforming them into shinkigami and aiming them at me. I quickly countered it, but did nothing more than that. We did nothing for a while, with him occasionally bombarding me with spells but I did nothing more that defend for them. I was holding back from the fight and it was obvious. He trapped me into a illusion, and I feebly attempted to destroy it. As with everything that you do half-heatedly, it failed. Bound in the branches of the tree, I merely started at the ground, waiting for him to make a move.

He walked up to me and took my face in his hand. I blushed, squirmed and tried to get away but he held on tightly. I looked straight into his sunglasses, unable to see anything behind it. 

"Subaru-kun, you're not being very interesting today. What happened to killing me and such? You'll never end up even close to killing me if you continue like this. So tell me, what are you planning?"

The deadly assassin was slowly taking over his polite mask, turning him into his true self, the Sakurazukamori. I looked at him and said,

" Why? Why did you make that bet with me… Why did you have to kill Hokuto and disappear? Why did I have to…"I muttered something I could only hear.

His eye, I believe, widened slightly and it was obvious that he had expected a different reaction from him. He brought his hand to my chest and pushed softly on the spot above my heart. He smirked. Then looked at me again and said,

" You know, Subaru-kun. I could just end this all right now. Kill you after all this time since you're not amusing anymore. And still you wouldn't mean anything to me. But that would be such a waste, wouldn't it? You're too cute to waste too." 

I flushed either in anger or embarrassment, and tried to attack him for the first time. The shinkigami I sent out merely grazed his cheek causing a small cut to appear. Seishirou touched it and took a look at his blood. He smiled at the sight of it. 

"So… it seems that you do have something left in you after all." I grit my teeth at his remark and chanted a powerful spell, trying to get out of the illusion. I must have been more tired than I thought I was since afterwards, my whole world became black.

A/N: Right now, sei-chan hasn't figured out that Subaru is his 16 year old self yet. We'll see what happens when he does.^-^

My head hurt, and I guess I must have used too much of my powers trying to free myself. I found myself waking up in unfamiliar surroundings again. Ugh… I was slightly annoyed by it, but I looked at myself and saw that someone had bandaged me up. Suddenly, the door opened and a figure walked in. And I blushed immediately as I saw who it was. 

" Ohayo, Subaru-kun."

"Seishirou-san!" I pulled the covers up to hide myself. I stammered," What? Wh-what are you doing here?"

He looked at me and replied," Well, the last time I checked, Subaru-kun, this was my apartment. " I noticed a small band-aid on his face. Making sure the covers were secure around me, I walked up to him and looked up at it. 

"I'm sorry for the cut, I didn't mean to-" I stopped mid-sentence as he grabbed my hands and pushed me against the wall. I could feel his warm breath on my neck. I turned crimson and looked at the floor as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. He made me look at him, and he spoke again.

"You're not acting like yourself Subaru-kun… and if I didn't know better, I'd say you're acting exactly as you did when you were 16. Well?" He looked at me with his single honey-brown eye. I wanted to look away so badly right now, because I felt I was to blame for the loss of his eye. 

"I don't… I don't know." Everything was confusing. Kamui had told me that I was 25 now and spent my last 9 years looking for Seishirou. But I don't remember. Seishirou continued hold me down. His face extremely close to mine. And he whispered into my ear.

"You know what Subaru-kun? While you're still like this, I plan on having a little fun. Breaking spirit shields does get quite boring after a while. So, Subaru-kun…"

" I'm going to revive our bet."

I gasped.

A/N: Okay! I counted every page that I did! There should be enough in this update to keep you reading for at least 10 mins. (Hopefully) I don't think there was much action in this chapter but in the next, Seishirou is going to lay the new terms of this bet. We'll just have to see what happens won't we? 

Preview:

"Revive the bet?" I didn't know what to think. But it wasn't as if he was offering me a choice here, either to die right here and now or to buy some borrowed time until the Promised day. I had really nothing to lose besides the answers that I wanted from him. After all, if I was killed by him, I would up in with Hokuto in the Sakura tree wouldn't I? And the way life was right now, eternity in the Sakura tree didn't seem so bad because I was about to die from embarrassment , as Seishirou was so close to me.

I hesitated, then pushed away the last of my doubts. " I accept the wager."

Ja ne for now! And please R & R! Thanks…


	4. Wishes of a Fallen Angel part1

A/N: AHHHH!!! Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! I know I'm kind of really slow at updating …. (if you check my other ongoing fic, I haven't updated in like ½ a year?^_^) But I really will try to finish this one before moving on to a new one. I seem to, after a load of updates on a story lose inspiration for the story, so I'm hoping this creativity spurt doesn't blow out halfway on me.^-^ when it does, it's author's block for a long ,long time. I want to thank everyone who reviewed and read the ficcy, it means a lot to me. Uh… anyway, here's the chappie! Some S/S and Fuuma makes an entrance again… Oh! And this is a songfic chappie too.^-^

" A life without dreams is pitiful…."- Unknown Author.

Chapter 4 : Wishes of a Fallen Angel (part 1)

A strange feeling of Déjà vu , just listening to the pitter patter of the rain. My mind flashed back to what Seishirou had just said minutes ago.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Revive the bet? I didn't know what to think. But it wasn't as if he were offering me a choice here, either to die right now or buy some borrowed time until the promised day. I had really nothing to lose besides the answers that I wanted from him. After all, if I was killed by him, o would end up in with Hokuto in the Sakura tree, wouldn't I? And the way life was right now, eternity in the Sakura tree didn't seem so bad, because I was about to die from embarrassment as Seishirou was so close to me. 

I hesitated and pushed away the last of my doubts. " I accept the wager."

Seishirou smiled in a strange way, a smile half from amusement and something else I couldn't quite identify. The he ran his hand down my cheek and caressed it softly and whispered in my ear,

" Well now, we shall lay the terms of our bet shouldn't we?" I blushed and stammered something about getting out from his grasp. 

" You, Subaru-kun will stay with me until the promised day. And during this time, nether of us will play out our duties as a Dragon. Until then, I shall see whether I really do feel anything for you at all. The winner of this bet will live to the promised day, and the loser shall perish. Agreed?"

I nodded, then, a image flashed in my eye: it was Hokuto and Seishirou under the Sakura Tree.

He only flashed a seductive smile at me, making me turn bright red again. I immediately found what appeared to be my clothes and dressed behind the door. Even with a solid block of wood between us, I could feel Seishirou's eyes on me. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad. So I walked to a chair, unsure of what to do. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was interrupted when Seishirou walked up next to me, and offered me a cigarette. My eyes widened slightly and I said, " Seishirou-san! I don't smoke!"

He lit a cigarette then puffed on it. "The last time I saw you, you smoked. How interesting Subaru-kun… "

The last time he saw me? What did that mean? I only remembered waking up in what was supposed to be my apartment. Everything was hazy. I wanted answers but no one could provide them for me.

I closed my eyes for a second and when I reopened them, I found myself looking directly into Seishirou's eyes; One honey-brown and one a blank color and I felt the guilt wash over me again. He had saved me, when I was standing there waiting to die… I was the reason that he lost vision in one eye. I could feel the tears starting to form… my mouth starting to mouth… " I-It was… all my…"

Suddenly, he placed his hands on top of mine and held it. He kissed one of the marks on my hand that signified that I was his prey, and no one else's. Then he asked,

  
" Why don't we go out on a date Subaru-kun?"

I took note of my surroundings, noting that I was in some kind of nightclub/restaurant. There were flashing lights everywhere, music around with people randomly dancing to the music, their silhouettes playing around on the colorful walls. I looked rather out of place there, wearing a sleeveless black turtleneck and gray pants with boots. While everyone else around was dressed flamboyantly, in vibrant colors. Seishirou motioned for me to sit down in a rather secluded corner, away from the ruckus and the crowd. His single golden eye glowed as he looked straight at me.

I wanted to die right there, sitting in a red velvet chair across from Seishirou. And he wouldn't stop staring at me. It was if the whole world revolved just around us two, and nothing else matter. Secretly, I wanted to keep this scene, the two of us locked in time, staring at each other into eternity. I was surprised when he broke eye contact with me, to look away and order a few drinks for us.

He got up from his seat and told me he was going out for a smoke. I nodded, saying that I would wait right here for him and call him when his drink came. I just sat there for a few minutes until all the lights suddenly went out and a voice came over on the speaker.

"We will now be picking a random customer to come up to do some Karaoke for us! So don't 

be shy when you get picked and just come up! We'll love to here you sing!" 

Vaguely, while I heard this announcement, I remember the waiter giving us numbers as we came in, saying it was for a special event. But I thought… well, what are the chances of me being picked out of like maybe 100, 150 people? The nightclub was pretty big, and could fit quite a bit of people anyway, and there were a lot more people besides me here too. I pulled out my number, lucky number 77. 

I sighed and waited for the "lucky" contestant to be picked. Racing my eyes around at all the different people around me, I hoped it would be me… not me… I couldn't sing to save my life. Especially not in front of this many people. My heart beat faster and faster as I awaited the announcement.

Fate wasn't on my side this time it seems, as I held my breath in and let in out in a gasp of surprise and embarrassment. 

"#78!"

And if I was right, that was Seishirou's number! But he was out taking a ling drag at a cigarette, knowing him. I sighed, knowing I would regret this, but I gathered my courage and stood up, blushing furiously and walked up to the stage. I could feel so many pairs of eyes on me, but not the one wanted on me the most. But I continued walking up. Reaching the stage, I managed to force myself to say,

"I'm number 78, sir" 

I winced slightly as the announcer patted me on the back rather hard and boldly, shouted out, so our customer number 78 will sing everyone a song here! Now let's wait and see what exactly will he sing, as our computer right now is randomly picking a song…"

There was a beep! And the computer was done. The song was 'Foolish" By Ashanti .It sounded rather strange to me, but as the slow beat started, I found myself strangely drawn into the song. I bowed once more to the announcer, thanking him for hanging me the microphone and allowing me to be up here, that it was a great honor.

__

See my days are cold without you 

But I'm hurting while I'm with you

And though my heart won't take no more 

I keep on running back to you

The black lights slowly simmered in the marble floor, giving it a rather inviting look to just step on it with a partner and dance the night away. Couples were slowly walking onto the dance floor now, holding each other close in their arms. I felt my eyes wandering around, looking for Seishirou, I turned red and closed my eyes to get out a disturbing image. I continued singing while desperately searching for Seishirou. I wanted him to see me… to acknowledge me ….

__

Baby I don't know why you're treating me so bad

You say you love me, no one above me and I was all you had…

You know my heart is aching for you; I can't stop crying

I don't know how I allow you to treat me this way and still I stay

My eyes finally found what I had been looking for, and lingered on the person. In the back, against the wall, he was leaning and watching me while smoking a cigarette. It was amazing how he could look so in place while wearing him usual outfit: black trench coat, suit and tie underneath, neatly dressed like a businessman. He… The object of my affections, yet the same object of my disdain. It was one part of me I could never figure out, how could I love someone with so much passion but hate the with the exact same amount. He killed Hokuto and I hated him for that , but a part of me naively hung on to the Seishirou I thought I knew, and hoped would come back. But in the end, I loved and I hated a cold-blooded murderer…

__

See my days are cold without you

But I'm hurting while I'm with you

And though my heart won't take no more 

I keep on running back to you

I found myself holding eye contact with him, just staring at each other across the dance floor. A single golden eye gleaming brightly and a pair of slightly dull emerald eyes staring right back. I started to walk down the stairs next to the stage and onto the floor. I looked at him the whole time, wishing I could just say something…

Baby I don't know why you wanna do me wrong 

See when I'm home, all alone and you're always gone

Boy, you know I really love you, I can't deny

I can't see how you could bring me to so many tears after all these years

See my days are cold without you

But I'm hurting while I'm with you 

And though my heart can't take no more

I keep on running back to you

Shyly, I walked up right in front of him and placed a hand on his chest. I closed my eyes for a second, wanting to stop thinking about him… he merely smiled at me, his eyes hinting no emotion, and the same empty smile plastered on his face. Putting out his cigarette, he took one of my arms and slowly guided me onto the dance floor, despite my silent protest. One hand went around me waist, bring me closer to him and the other held my free arm, the one without the mic. Ignoring my obviously flushed face, he coaxed me into a slow dance with the music. 

Oh I trusted you, I trusted you

So sad so sad, what love will make you do

All the thing we accept, be the things that we regret

*

See when I get the strength to leave you

Always telling that you need me

And I'm weak cause I believe you

And I'm mad because I love you

So I stop to think that maybe, 

you could learn to appreciate me

But it all remains the same that, 

you ain't never gonna change, never gonna change….

I stayed for the last verse, in his arms just standing in the middle of the floor. I looked up at him and saw the same old emotionless look. Looking down again, I inhale his sweet scent of Sakrua, blood and cigarettes. Slowly, I pulled myself away from him, and turned away. Slightly disgusted at myself for wanting to stay there. I bowed and tuned I started to walk back to the stage.

Baby why you hurt me

Leave me and desert me

Boy I gave you all my heart 

and all you did was tear it up

Looking out my window, 

knowing that I should go

But even when I pack my bags 

this something always holds me back.

I heard some footsteps behind me and flinched when I felt him grab my arm and pulled me back. Seishirou smirked at me, leaned down and whispered in my ear,

"Leaving so soon, Subaru-kun? I don't think we're done yet."

I turned bright red and gasped as Seishirou slowly locked lips with me, pushing my lips gently open and capturing me in a passionate kiss. I was surprised that he could actually do this ,and for a moment, I forgot about the song, and the fact that we were in public, telling a little voice in my head that it was dark and no one would really notice. As I came up for air, Seishirou once again captured me in another kiss, and I never finished the last verse….

__

See my days are cold without you

But I'm huring while I'm with you

And though my heart can't take no more 

I keep on running back to you….

We remained like that for a bit, before the lights suddenly all went dark and the crowd started panicking and throwing itself into utter chaos. I felt a slight trembling under my feet and raced outside. I looked around and saw a dragon rising above a building down in the Ikebukuro district. Not thinking about anything but the people who would be trapped under the building if it fell, I rushed off into the direction of the earthquake, forgetting about the terms of the bet. I didn't want all those people to die.. All the innocent people… And I wondered for a second, if the kid I met earlier, Kamui was okay. He did mention something about being the leader of the dragons of heaven. What I didn't notice was the Seishioru had also disappeared. 

I made my way through the mayhem, trying to stop for everyone who might be in danger and helping them out. It was a while before I got to the building, and I noticed three people on the rooftop. Two I didn't quite recognize and another I noticed as Kamui. I raced up there and drew out some ofuda and chanted, changing them into Shinkigami.

" Leave him alone!" I shouted, surprised at my tone of voice, which sounded a bit angry. I never had been angry before,, besides about Hokuto's death.

The taller man, with black hair and a rather similar build to Seishirou's turned around and looked right at me, and I let out a gasp. I kept seeing Seishirou, though this was a stranger I had never met. Or I didn't remember meeting. He smiled and said,

: Oh? Have you come to play too?"

For some reason, I found myself making a kekkai, setting it up around the building. I looked at the boy again and glared. The I lifted a hand to my eyes. Why'? Why did I keep seeing Seishirou?….. 

I jumped off the fence and drew out some ofuda and chanted

:"Shukiyou-do!"

The sky rumbled and the boy raised his hands. He whispered, "I am the Kamui of the Dragons of Earth… it's so nice to see you again, Subaru-kun….'

A/n: Okay! That'll be all for now…. I'm sleepy and I have school tomorrow..( well, right now it's 12:51 AM Friday as I'm writing this….) Ugh… I hope the song I picked for this chapter was too bad ….and also there's a "*" sign there, which means that I skipped a short verse because I didn't think it would really fit into this kind of fic. But the verse was " So all of my ladies, hear me come on sing with me…." It was only one sentence… but hey, just to let you know. Now… before I start making really bad errors and falling asleep on my laptop, I think I'll stop talking now. ^-^ 

Ja ne! Please R & R and let me know what you think!

__


	5. Wishes of a Fallen Angel part2

A/N: NOTE: This chapter contains spoilers for vol.12! Hmm…. To give this chapter a bit of a twist, I'll do this chapter in Seishirou's POV and also in Subaru's. Interesting….. Hm…… decisions, decisions…uh…(looks at clock). Okay, I should start on now before my muse goes to bed.^_^ ehehehe….please forgive me if I go OOC or get a little weird… it's 12:30 in the morning right now and I think I had a overdose of soda. *hic* Also, this chapter has maybe hints of Kamui/ Subaru but it's one-sided… I'm so sorry, but I'm a hardcore Subaru/ Seishirou fan….

Chappie 5 : Wishes of a Fallen Angel (part2)

I leaned lightly on the beam, silently watching the battle from far away, with nothing but the sound of occasional clicking from my lighter and the wind making noise around me. Perched on some beam of the Tokyo tower.* I smirked and closed my eyes… I could never understand, how Subaru managed to throw away his own well-being for the sake of others.

To me, everything in life was nothing but objects and toys. When you got tired of them, you disposed of it. Like how humans step on insects all day and never noticed; I could break a living human being, and it wouldn't matter to me. No regrets, no worry, no nagging in my consciousness…(not that I had one). I opened my eyes again.. And watched the battle at Ikebukuro from afar. Although Subaru had promised me that he would not act as a Dragon of Heaven, since he decided to, I decided sit back and watch. I would only step in if something drastic happened…

Subaru-kun had already managed to set up his kekkai around the shield. Time after time, I found it impressive, how something so strong could be broken so easily…. So easily. I saw him running circles around the Dark Kamui, beads of sweat beginning to form around his temple and eyes gritted in concentration. How cute. He occasionally placed ofuda here and there and I noticed that he was trying to place them in the shape of the pentagram. 

The other Kamui, of the Dragons of Heaven only could look on as Subaru took on the Dark Kamui. I could tell, that he could read his every move. Tracing back over the Dark Kamui's actions, I found surprisingly that we were similar in many ways… predator and prey… the dominant, heartless bastards… and powerful… 

I lit another cigarette as I had finished my last one. I looked at my hands, stained with blood from my latest victim about couple of minutes ago. It was just another silly boring human, who couldn't amuse me more than a few seconds.

I turned my head up just in time to see a large blast come from the building I was just observing. I sent my shinkigami there and I found Subaru-kun in quite and interesting predicament.. Somehow, he was seeing me in the Dark Kamui… There was a blast and a thick cloud of blue-gray smoke blew into the sky.

Apparently, somehow he had lost his concentration during the battle and his spell began falling apart. The Dark Kamui had walked out of the spell unscathed and without a scratch… I could hear every word going on in their conversation… and needless to say, I found it quite fascinating.

" Why… why do you look like… Seishirou-san? Why?"

The Dark Kamui lifted Subaru's head and pulled him up. Using one hand, he pulled it back and began to slowly extend it forward…

"Because… you wished it so, so it was meant to be. It was fate Subaru-kun. And you have yet to learn that it can't be changed."

There was a scream, no doubt the other Kamui and a soft groan. My beautiful Subaru-kun…had just been tainted. I thought for a moment and grinned, then remembering the Dark Kamui's words, I narrowed my eyes a bit.

" Subaru-kun, will you succeed this time? Or will everything fall like before? "

I raised an eyebrow in surprise at the comment… "because you wished it so…." that couldn't be true could it? I thought Subaru-kun wanted to kill me-no, I knew he wanted to kill me… so why had he lost his eyesight in that eye? His left one… the same as me. The other words that the Dark Kamui said were of no concern to me. They made no sense anyway, just strange cryptic clues that mattered little. So I stood there for another few minutes, watching the other Dragons of Heaven pick up their fallen comrades and bring them to safety, smoking a cigarette…

I grinned, turned around and took my sunglasses off and smiled at the visitor.

" You saw it all… our every move, didn't you?" 

Closing my eyes, I replied," I figured you noticed me, watching at Ikebukuro."

He walked towards me, saying," I get the feeling you know that Dragon of Heaven well…"

" His wish… "

I smirked, quite confident I knew what he was going to say. I had always been right before about me Subaru-kun… and that wasn't going to change anytime soon. I eyed the Dark Kamui as he suddenly reached out and grabbed my cigarette.

" You… don't have any idea what is going on. Nor do you know that Dragon of Heaven's wish. This is something… much deeper that you think it is. His wish isn't what you're thinking it is."

He grinned at me once more before jumping off our perch and disappearing into the buildings below. Momentarily, I could feel my mouth hanging slightly open from the new information that was just given to me. It couldn't be true could it? The fact that Subaru DIDN'T want to kill me? The idea was just absurd. I wouldn't accept that answer. I would simply have to get it from Subaru-kun himself. 

The rain hasn't stopped yet. I watched it poring down over the city of Tokyo. 'How beautiful… It would be even more beautiful _after _it was broken. I lit another cigarette, and then jumped off the tower. I needed to go somewhere., mainly… the Clamp Campus Hospital.

-------------------------------Subaru's POV-----------------------------------

Somehow… was the pain I was feeling supposed to hurt? My eye, I was told would never be able to see again. Wryly, I realized that it was the same eye that Seishirou had lost protecting me. Deep inside myself, I wanted to know the same pain he felt, to suffer as he did… 

But this time around, there was no one to cry for me. No one to comfort me and tell me to wake up from this world… This was the harsh reality of it all. But still, even after losing my own eye, I still felt guilty. Then my mind turned back to all the people who had lost their lives at Ikebukuro. Because I was seeing mirages, illusions…. Hallucinations. Someone who was nothing but a memory of a person I once knew. Then he disappeared from my life… and now was back again.

Maybe.. I thought. If we could never be together… I wanted him to kill me. After all, my strange love( or was it obsession?) with him was one sided, unrequited love… he could just simply kill me, and end my misery. To finally drop my torn heart, torn between loving him and naively believing that he was a kind person; and hating him for what he had done and forced me through. 

My thoughts however where interrupted as I felt something lightly fall on me. It was wet and cold… I realized they were tears. But who would cry for someone like me? Who had fallen so far down… but maybe, I did have a chance for redemption. To somehow find a way to make amends for not being able to rescue all the people who had died.

Slowly, I opened my eyes and saw that it was Kamui. The frail-looking boy was draped over my chest and sleeping. For a second, I wondered why he had stayed with me so long, by my side. I wasn't worth the effort. I groaned slightly and sat up and pondered over the Dark Kamui's words, careful not to wake the slumbering child on my lap.

It was true and pitiful as he was so young to be drawn into a conflict like this. The end of the world… I believed that humans had the right to another chance, even after everything they had done. The whole world wasn't separated into solely good and evil, but a strange mixture of both.

I wanted to badly to believe that people were in fact good. I wanted to believe that Seishirou was good. I couldn't anymore. I was too torn… With living a lie and in denial.

I looked up and was greeted by lavender eyes.

" Kamui? I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

He shook his head and smiled sadly, then he slowly reached out and touched my eye… notably, the one that was covered and could no longer see with. I flinched at his touched and immediately regretted it at the sign of hurt in Kamui's eyes. I grinned and tried to sound reassuring and carefree. 

" I'm okay! Don't worry about me! It's not your fault , so don't blame yourself. You couldn't do anything about because this was my wish. It was my choice to lose my eye."

" Is it because… of him? The Sakurazukamori. Just like how you smoke to beat him… you want to be like him too. Is that why?"

My eyes widened slightly. Had I subconsciously been acting like that the whole time? Wanting to be like Seishirou, so I could somehow see what he felt, how he felt, and why he felt emotionless. I didn't know though.

" I don't know… maybe it's like that. "

  
Kamui took my hand into his and held it to his soft face. The tears were running freely down his face now. 

" I was there, unconscious. Every time someone needs my help, I end up being the one that needs to be saved. It's always my fault! You, and Kotori too… I couldn't save her." 

I felt his grip on my hand tighten as he continued. The poor boy… he had too much pent up grief.

" She was killed right in front of me, And I just sat and stared, helpless to do anything. You lost you eye, and all I did was sleep there unconscious. I hate it! I hate being useless!"

I looked at the ceiling for a moment and then at Kamui's face, then replied with a sad smile, 

" Nobody likes to be useless. But there are times when you cannot do anything but watch as a passer-by as life goes on without you. There are times when you just can't do anything. But what you can do… Is to strive for a better future. Although the past can't be changed, what you can change is the future, because only you can determine which path you will take. You can't let anyone else interfere not even fate. "

I let Kamui wipe his tears and he looked at me again, and let go of my hands. He stared out the window for a moment, and for a while, the only sound in the CLAMP hospital room was the soft SHHHhhh…. Of the rain. Kamui then turned and looked at me.

" Does that mean that I can believe what Kotori said? That the future is still undecided ? That I can find some way to bring Fuuma back?"

I tried to sound happy and look happy as much as I could and replied," Time will tell. Other than that, it's for you to decide. Please, don't blame yourself anymore. "

I took a quick sip of water from the table beside me. I was getting drowsy again, and apparently, he noticed. Kamui got up from the chair he was sitting on and blushed as he looked at his feet.

" Thank you.. Subaru. " 

He started walking to the door,and put a hand on the handle, but then turned back an faced me. 

" You know, Subaru, I'm really glad I met someone as kind as you…Can I visit again?"

"Sure." I watched him walk out, footsteps echoing through the halls. I listened to the rain for a while, and eventually fell in and out of sleep. I hoped everything would be okay…the his last words echoed in my head…. 

" I'm glad I met someone as kind as you…" 

Guilty for losing my eye, wanting to do something to help. Strangely, this sounded exactly like me back then…. I was helpless to do anything about Hokuto, but the future… What exactly did that other Kamui mean? Those thoughts haunted my mind for a while until I sensed someone or something approaching.

Suddenly, the room turned dark for a second, then the door opened. I looked towards the door as it slowly opened… I had another visitor.

A/N: Whew! Hope there aren't too many errors in this chapter…. (It's about 5:20AM right now…. And the first half I did when it was around 12:00AM….-_-;;;;) Somehow, I hope I can be unpredictable and not make this ficcy too clichéd or anything. I like to keep everyone guessing. But we'll just have to see. Anyone want to guess who's the visitor? ^_^

By the way, since I don't update very fast, in my author's profile, I put up some kind of status thing so you can check on whether I will be posting anytime soon or not, (Or just use your review history….**;**_**;** ;;;;;;) Anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed! I really appreciate it!( Uh…. I need to find something else to say….) Till the next chapter!

Ja ne!


	6. In Dreams

A/N: Cliffhanger! Ahhｼ I really love where we left off last time. Hm I got people saying that Subaru's visitor was Seishirou. Unfortunately right now, it's not・. Enough ranting now. You'll see who it isｼ ^-^

Chapter 6 : In Dreams

I found myself sitting on a smooth, slightly jagged rock overlooking a beach. I found myself scratching my head for a moment, trying to remember exactly where I was. Wasn't I just at the hospital? Panicking slightly, I compared the two places: Beach. Hospital. ;White. Blue. ; quiet. Noisy. For a second, I thought I had been kidnapped, and the it dawned on me.

Obviously, I was in a dream of some sort, but the last time I check my little resume, 'Dreamseer' wasn't listed there. I got up from where I was sitting and surveyed my surroundings for a moment. The dream was so realistic, I could almost smell the scent of the ocean side. Whoever the dream belonged to had to be really skilled.

I then got off the rock and started to walking along the beach, enjoying the sand between my bare toes. I didn't know how long it was since I've been to one. I let my mind wander off a little, thinking about what Seishirou would say about me, running off in the middle of our little 'date' and going to help Kamui. I hoped he wouldn't be mad・

Stopping, I saw a figure in the distance standing high on a cliff ahead, facing the ocean side. I couldn't really see him clearly from where I was standing, but it seemed to be a man. He was- he was・ 

Rather tall and slender and almost feminine. I walked closer and close, and the stranger turned towards me. He seem to know me, and somehow, he seemed to beckon me only with his eyes.

I climbed to where he was and huffing and puffing, I made my way up to where he was, and sat down, panting next to his feet.

He finally turned towards me and spoke. " So, we finally meet Subaru-san. I am Kakyo, dreamseer of the Dragons of Earth."

I almost gasped, up close, he really did look like a woman. With soft golden eyes and long flowing hair, he practically screamed 'woman'. 

I got up and bowed, " Pardon me. Do I know you, Kakyo-san? You seem like you know me・"

He gave me a sad smile, and nodded. " I do, but we've never met... Well, at least face to face. Your sister liked to talk about you."

At this point, I jumped up and interrupted him, "Sumimasen! But you knew Hokuto?!?! Where'd you meet her? Why didn't she ever say anything about you?!?" He looked surprised for a moment, but the expression went off him as quickly as it came.

He smiled at me, but his eyes obviously didn't reflect it. " We've met before in dreams that we shared."

My eyes widened for a second ,and I whispered, "You mean, like how we're talking right now?"

" Yes. But I didn't come to talk to you about that." He reached out and touched my hand, I nearly flinched back at how cold it felt. " Dreamseers are fated to forever dream the future and sleep as it passed by, forever unable to change what is to come. There is no hope, no wish for a different future for us, because we know what we dream will come true."

The scene around us slowly changed, into a one I knew all too well. Sakura blossoms floated down past us and we found ourselves standing not too far away from a lone sakura tree. A single figure, clad in omyoji robes and face shadowed walked determinedly towards a figure hidden in the shadows. 

I turned away. I didn't want to see this, didn't want to remember it. I wanted it to be over, I wanted it to be pretend, a single tragic point in a play. Kakyo's facial expression never changed. A sad, longing expression, his eyes forever looking at something in the distance, not seeing the images before him. It was worse than how I probably looked. 

The figure emerged from the shadows, a tall, neat man in a business suit. A friendly fake expression plastered on his face as always. 

Unconsciously, I found myself whispering, " Seishirou-san ……Seishirou …….." 

I grabbed the end of Kakyo's coat, and begged him, " Please. I don't want to see・ I want to forget this. I want to leave this." I knew what happened next. I was nothing but a passerby in this memory, and I had it all engraved into my mind, from the beginning to the end.

The scene returned to what it was before, the ocean side. I touched my face and found tears running down my face. 

" You love him don't you? Yet you hate him too." It was more of a statement than a fact. " You want him to see you as a living being, as someone worth something to him. But inside you know he never will."

I froze and blushed, not knowing what to say. Part of me wanted to deny what he said, wanted to continue this facade of pretending to hate him, wanting to kill him. When in fact, something inside me said what I truly wanted was something completely different.

" Why do you wish for something that you can never have? Something that won't ever come true."

I turned towards him, and looked up, directly into his eyes. " Because it's simply human nature to continue to wish for something better in their lives. Even if they know it could never come true, they still wish."

I jumped down from the cliff, onto a ledge below. " I can't help but love and hate him. I'm so confused" 

I wiped my face. " But you know we're only human, not perfect, even with all these powers being involved with the end of the world. We're only human. We're born, we live and die I still blame myself for some many things. Such as not being able to save all those people from the devastation at Ikebukuro. Not being able to help all the suffering people in the world. Not being able to save them from their misery and pain. I'm so tired and confused"

I jumped onto the ground and looked across the ocean and into the horizon. I tired to smile, I really did, as the tears began to form in my eyes again. " Maybe I'm simply obsessed. Maybe I'm twisted. I don't know." 

" I see." His voice echoed in my head as the dream slowly faded away. Dissolving into millions of feathers and floating away.

In the hospital room, I shuffled around in my bed, and fell into a restless sleep. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In Kakyo's dream, after Subaru has left ・

Kakyo turned around. There was something that didn't belong in the dream he was in. Someone whom he didn't invite. 

" I know you're there・Sakuazukamori." He whispered, seemingly able to see through and behind the screen doors. He continued to kneel there for a few seconds, when footsteps were heard and the doors slowly slid open.

Seishirou grinned and stepped into the room. Elegant and suave as always, he removed his dark sunglasses and looked at Kakyo coolly. 

" You weren't invited here."

Seishirou chuckled, " Ah ……forgive my intrusion into your personal area. I simply wanted to see how my dear Subaru-kun was doing and I seemed to end up in your dream with him. But now, he's gone of course."

Kakyo continued kneeling there, staring at nothing in particular. " I presume you heard it all then, what we said and saw?"

" I suppose so."

" Then you know then that he is attempting to change what will happen?"

" Yes I do."

" You figured it out then, what he is trying to do?" Kakyo said in the same monotone voice.

He turned, staring out into the darkness beyond the doors." Not exactly. For instance, I, myself don't know what I will do in the future, what he did in that alternate reality to have him change and come to this one." Seishirou said, clearly quite amused with his little predicament.

" Do you wish to know?" 

Seishirou walked over to the dreamseer and kneeled to be face-to-face with him. They stared at each other for a bit, then Seishirou broke the silence.

" No." He whispered with that same smile as always. One that never betrayed anything he felt or thought. The one his victims always saw before closing their eyes for the last time. A single cold smile.

"Really?" Kakyo seemed to be slightly surprised, his eyes widening slightly.

" It'll be more interesting that way, to not know how'll this arrangement between be and Subaru-kun will end. Not to know how I won."

  
" You're heartless, you know. He truly loves you." 

Seishirou got up and placed a hand on the door and slid it open. " Emotionless. That's how I was raised・ And that's how I'll live and die." He smiled, put on his glasses and walked out, disappearing into a illusion of Sakura petals, leaving kakyo in the room alone.

Kakyo stared into the darkness again as the scene changed. Hokuto's last moments played out in front of him, again and again like a broken record.

Except this time, he didn't want it to be fixed.

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Subaru, shifted again. His dreams were plagued with endless repeats of his coversation with the dreamseer. 

Seishirou quietly opened the door and walked inside the room, treading softly, so he wouldn't wake Subaru. Grabbing the chair Kamui had used earlier, he sat and gazed at Subaru's sleeping face. He smirked and took off his sunglasses. It was too dark to be wearing them inside the dimly lit room anyway.

" Just as cute as always… you never change, Subaru-kun. Always… you put others before yourself…." He paused for a second, then added, " So selfless, naïve, courageous….. Yet a stupid act."

He bent down and took Subaru's hand and caressed it. " In the end, you know you'll be the one who ends up getting hurt. Yet you still do these silly things." Seishiou sighed and let go of Subaru's hand and got up.

He walked to the window and opened it slightly, bringing a small, cool draft of air into the room. 

Walking back to Subaru's bed, he glanced briefly at a clock and took Subaru's hand again. He kissed it softly and got up again. This time, he didn't look back as he walked away…. And closed the door behind him. 

"Sei….. Seishirou-san" Subaru whispered.

The same Seishirou returned an hour later to the room, sporting dark black gloves and reeking of blood and sakura. Looking up at the ceiling and saying to no one in particular, he murmmerd, " Kakyo…. You ask why I don't want to know what happens in the future. It's because, I want to find out on my own how much I can hurt him…. And if he'll keep running back to me like this." 

The wind blew harshly and Seishirou Sakurazuka disappeared into the dark night.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Subaru shifted again and opened his eyes, He could've sworn someone, somebody was just here in the room. He touched his face, remembering how the stranger had touched him. He had incredibly cold hands. Subaru felt his own. They were cold too. So cold, just like everything around him.

A/N: Okay… that was a really lame ending. So I apologize. Anyway, for people who bother to read this, next week is star testing for me and I really doubt I'll be able to actually even type up another chapter.. I'm really sorry for the long wait, and for postponing everything for extra days. I might go back and edit some old chapters too if I have time… God knows how many errors I have…. -_-;;;;

I want to thank certain people for reviewing and all the other stuff… I really really appreciate every review you leave and thanks so much.

Feye Morgan, tenshimanda, Sumeragi sui, yamato forever, vandy, sasaki chan, panatlatic, Karen McCoy, and Dark Gift….

Ja ne


	7. Can't Let Go

A/N: AHAHAHAhAAH!!!! Finally, it's the end of STAR testing! Problem is, since I decided to slack off so much in schoolwork, I've fallen behind and one of my dear teachers decided to inform my parents about my 'laziness and lack of effort' haha amusing really, I find it. Well, so my parents are telling me to get my act together before I lose the computer until the end of summer. Dear me, in a predicament aren't' I? Okay okay I'm stopping the ranting before everyone runs off on me.

Summary so Far: Subaru, devastated at the death of Seishirou and loss of his wish has made a strange agreement with the Dark Kamui. He gets to go back in the past, before Seishirou dies to find and grant his wish. Excluded from his duties as a Dragon of Heaven and free to finish things off with Seishirou, it seems too easy. He just won't remember what happened between them after Seishirou killed Hokuto and disappeared…. 9 years ago.

Notes: the events in this chapter take place after vol.12 ( sorry, I skipped over Arashi and Sorata visiting… ;;;;) And they are slightly before Satsuki's fight with Yuzurihia. Just to clear things up…

Disclaimer: For anyone who actually reads this stupid, rather unnecessary line, I don't own X. If I did.. Seishirou would've say those 3 damn words to Subaru before he died.

Chapter 7 : Can't let go...

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Subaru's POV

Plip....Plop…..Plip…..Plop…… the sound of dripping water always echoes in my dream. Except this time, it's red, dark and IS human blood. Blood. Whenever a living being gets wounded, this is the liquid that comes out. And invades my dreams.

I believe my subconscious is filled with nothing but Sakura petals and puddles of blood on the floor, similar to the scene after Seishirou killed my sister. I'm tainted. Tainted by the one I love and hate the most. I hate it. I love it too. Constantly, wandering in here, I'm forever contradicting myself. Hate him…. Love him…. Despise him…. Adore him…..

And I open my eyes. Awakening to the unfamiliar world I seem to be captured in. This time though, the one who is in my room isn't Kamui but a young high school-age girl. Probably Yuzurihura, the girl Kamui talked about sometimes, who brightened up life with them. She was staring out the window, with her dog next to her who was set on watching me intently. I squirmed slightly under his gaze, I wasn't very comfortable with something staring at me all the time.

" Subaru-san! You're awake!" She exclaimed, bouncing over to my bedside. I noticed her holding her schoolbag, as well as the clock in my room, I saw it was sometime in the afternoon, too tired to think about exactly what the time was.

Immediately, seeing the bandages around my eye, she looked down at the floor. Immediately, knowing why she looked sorry, I reached out and slowly brushed her face with my hand.

" It's not your fault you know…." I gave her the best smile I could muster. Placing the hand I had just used and briefly let it sit softly over my bandaged eye. " The other Kamui….. He said I wanted this to happen." Maybe i really did, now that i thought about it.

Yuzuriha's eyes widened. " No… that couldn't be Subaru-san! Everyone worries about you so much, you couldn't have wished this on yourself!" Then giving a small f ohh! She looked down and reached into her schoolbag. Pulling out a small plush bunny, she smiled and handed it to me.

I blushed slightly and thanked her for her thoughtfulness. As time passed by, I found myself chatting with her quite contentedly. Around 6, she gasped and looked at the clock.

" I'm sorry! I didn't mean to keep you up this long when you needed your rest." She jumped up and out of the seat she had taken while we were talking. I pat Inuki once more before he headed over to her side. She was just about to open the door when she retraced her steps and came to me again.

She lifted he pinky and smiled, " You're a very kind person Subaru-san!" [1] She looked away for a second, still holding out her pinky to me. I looked at her confused.

" Please swear. Swear that if anything else happens, you won't try to deal with it by yourself! You'll call on me and Inuki."[1] She looked entirely serious….but actually, i thought she should say that to Kamui.

Momentarily, I stared at her dumbstruck at her sincere expression and hand still held out to me. Regaining my senses, I lifted my pinky and crossed it with her.

Her bubbly personality came again, " There! It's a promise![1] Please keep Usagi-chan with you too! I didn't want you to be all by yourself…" and she hurried out the door afterwards.

Implusively, while still holding the bunny, I looked at it…. Images that I couldn't quite place a finger on flashed through my mind. Seishirou…. Sakura petals flying everywhere…..darkness.

" All by myself…."

I found myself dozing on and off again, dreaming off the times when it used to be just me, Hokuto and Seishirou. I wanted them back. I wanted the people I loved most. _' you still technically, have Seishirou you know._' my mind whispered. Great. Just great. I slapped myself in the face in embarrassment. I was talking to myself, and who knows how many times I'd heard people say that it was the first sign of insanity. Or rather, schizophrenia?

Actually, as I was staring up at the pure white ceiling, I found in a strange way, that a part of me wouldn't have minded. I only wanted Seishirou to see me….. to acknowledge me. And part of me wanted something else. But I couldn't venture deeper into the corridor that possessed those thoughts in me. Something blocked it.

Suddenly, I was shaken out of my musings once again by a loud rumble. Rushing, I made my way to the window, careful to avoid any dangerous objects that were moving around in the room.

'_ Earthquake? This strong…. That it could be felt on even the CLAMP campus?!'_

I took a quick look at the area. Noticing a spirit shield being put up, I gasped when I recognized who's it was, though I had never actually remembered seeing it.

" Yuzuriha!"

I opened the window, ignoring the my mind's cries about me needing to stay in bed and the constant dangerous shaking. I needed to get there. I needed to help her. Pain coursed through my head, my body froze and I blacked out…

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I awoke, dimly noticing a few things.

1) I wasn't at the CLAMP hospital.

2) I was not alone.

And three….I stumbled out of bed when I realized who was next to me.

"Seishirou-san!?!!" I gasped as I hit the wall.

" Hmm?" He yawned and stretched his arms as he looked at me. " Subaru-kun, in your present state, I don't think it's a good idea for you to start jumping out of bed. It was such a hassle to get you out of the hospital inconspicuously."

I sat on the cold wooden floor, my mind trying to comprehend what he had just said. " Hospital…. Get me out... Inconspicuously…...?"

Noticing the fact I only had a large white T-shit and a pair of dark blue shorts on, I hurriedly reached out and grabbed the blanket, covering myself. I regretted doing so, as I noticed that Seishirou wasn't wearing anything…. Wait- scratch that, he wasn't wearing a top. I locked eyes with him as he caught me staring. At his chest to be exact. I was bright crimson red by now, I had to be. Now to only figure out what was worse? Staring at Seishirou's well-built chest or him staring at me.

In the end, I decided it was better if I stared at him. Seishirou watched me the whole time, clearly pleased with my dilemma.

I glared at him hotly and he said softly, " Well, Subaru-kun, it never appeared to me that you were so forward."

Before I knew what I was doing, I had stopped glaring at him, stalked over to the other side of the room blushing furiously, and threw the blanket at him, hard as I could. He blinked for a second, put down the blanket on the bed, smirked and walked over to the closet near the door. He rummaged through it quietly and pulled out a white dress shirt and dark dress pants. He put it on as I looked at the wall, and looked at the wall, determinedly not looking over his way.

Yelping as he came from behind me to put his arms around my shoulders in a tight embrace. He whispered in my ear, " Subaru-kun…. I thought you found me sexy… You don't anymore?"

His low husky voice made me shiver.

" Th- that was....before.. All those things happened. Be-before you disappeared." I struggled to steady my voice. I didn't want him to see how nervous he was making me. How he was making me turn bright red. Making my heart beat faster and faster, pounding hard in my chest. I didn't want him to know that only he could make me this way, only because I could feel his heart beating near mine and his warm body pressed against me. I wanted to stand up for myself and prove that I actually had a backbone.

As I said those words, I felt him tense for a second and he relaxed again. He said nothing for a few seconds, leaving us in a apprehensive silence. Then, he walked out of the room and touched the doorknob for a second, as if he was going to open it.

He remembered something apparently and turned back towards me. Heading over to the closet again, he grabbed his trademark trench coat and coat. I sighed in relief, thinking he was going to leave. Instead to my surprise, he walked over to me and put a hand on my face, lightly tracing my jawbone and up to my bandaged eye.

I heard him mutter, " Only me…. and no one else." Then lifting my face, so I would directly look at him, he said in a cheery voice, completely different from the one he had before," Do get some sleep Subaru-kun…. We wouldn't want you to get scarred anymore, would we? And there's food in the fridge if you get hungry. See you later." I shuddered. His voice didn't match his eyes. ( or eye)

And he left.

So I decided to sleep for a while. Until I bolted out of bed (again) and realized that I didn't know what happened to Yuzuhira. And the fact that I was sleeping in Seishirou's bed. Quickly, I looked around for something decent to wear, and went out, making sure the door was unlocked behind me.

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Shinjuku

I walked among the rubble left behind in the fight. The wind blew hard on my face, and unconsciously, I hugged myself harder and went on, down the road… hoping for someone still alive and breathing.

The damage here was horrible. Buildings with floors annihilated in the fight. Streetlights tumbled across the broken sidewalks and streets, cracked open with huge craters…. There were bodies littered everywhere, people crushed trying to escape the mass chaos that inevitably followed the onslaught, more dead from the fallen buildings that toppled over.

The mood and blankness here was horrible, the spirit shield had fallen… and it took a lot with it as well. Deep inside myself… I knew it was another one of my vain attempts for survivors, but I had to at least try. The uselessness of my eye didn't help either.

I gave up after a while, after looking in and under every single crevice, hole, and parts of buildings I could find and reach. It sucked. And I was only disappointed and depressed again.

I just sat there for a while on some random flight of stairs I found ( or at least what was left of it..) and tired to erase all the horrible images from my mind. It would haunt me again and again. The wind pressed hard on me again and now, I was hungry. It must have been at least 3 hours since I left Seishirou's place, and now I couldn't remember how to find my way back.

Unfortunately for me, everything around me was pretty much er.. Gone. There were footsteps behind me, and I turned around.

" Ah.... You again…" I mentally smacked myself for sounding so rude. It was Seishirou as always, dressed to kill in his trademark black trenchcoat, dark sunglasses, neat suit and tie, and smug smirk. I felt my heart beat faster.

" Surprised to see me here, Subaru-kun? Oh, how nice, you're wearing my clothes." his voice was just loud enough to hear over the strong winds billowing around us.

" Ahh! I'm sorry…Seishirou-san!" I blushed crimson, and stared at the ground. " I didn't spend all day in bed like you asked me to, and I had to borrow your clothes. I just wanted to see if I could just find anyone here." I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged them. Feeling cold, I shivered slightly and muttered a thank you when Seishirou took off his trench coat and put it over me.

"Always, Subaru-kun, you're like this. So cute, so innocent, so naïve." He smirked.

I looked at him for a second, staring into his calm, almost expressionless face.It was strange talking to him like this, even though I never noticed before. Without his veterinarian's mask, he was almost a different person. Never mind that, he was. But this was his true self. The cold, cynical assassin hidden in the shadows. But I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to truly somehow understand him. I wanted to know 'why?' for so many actions he had taken.

" Why must people die? Why must the world end? Why…does everything that the dreamseers predicte will happen, will come to pass?" I whispered. The sky gew darker, as I waited and spoke.

Seishirou, surprisingly graced me with an answer, staring out into the distance… over all the fallen, destroyed buildings littered all around us. Picking up a rock in his hand, he fingered it lightly, running his graceful fingers across it.

" You understand perfectly well, how the earth slowly is being worn away, polluted by humans. Every single day, wasting more resources, dirtying the earth, even with all the recent actions taken to try to stop it." He paused. " The earth will die… or the humans polluting it will die. Either way, it doesn't matter to me. It won't change anyway."

I remembered something he had said a while ago to me.. Back then.

" Seishirou-san. Do you still love Tokyo?"

He made no response for a while.

' Of course. Like before…. where else on Earth can so many enjoy their descent into destruction? Except this time, it's going to end, with everyone destroyed forever."he said.

I got up and wobbled a little, wincing at then numbness in my legs. Walking over to him, I nearly fell over. Sleepily, I gazed at him with my single eye, clutching his shirt and asked,

"Then…. can I ask, Seishirou-san…. Have you ever loved anything? Have you ever cared…..? I, even though everything from you was all a act for you… it really did mean something. They say that true love is letting go, but I can't let go…. I can't forget everything you've done. Even if it was just a masquerade…… I won't ever forget….Even if it was only that one time in my life where I actually lived out the fantasy. I. Don't…. won't forget."

My eye (s?) closed as I slowly drifted off, vaguely noticing that I was being picked up and carried away. Dreams were always so much better than reality, because I could never face reality.

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[1]- these are actual lines that she says in the English version of vol.12. I don't have the Japanese version, nor have seen a translation of it so I'm not really sure that this is the exact thing.

Usagi = rabbit, bunny, etc…. you know the big gray thing always walking around in loony tunes, eating a carrot and saying, " What's up doc?" Yeah…. That's it.

A/N: Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Finally, all finished! Seriously, I think there's too much talking in this chapter…. Wonder what I'll have them do next? Should Seishirou tell Subaru he knows? Or should Fuuma fill him in on the details?

Plus.. Should this end in a happy ending or a sad one? (hahaah… my dear muse has two in mind I really want to use….)

I guess I delayed this chapter for so long… so I made this one longer than the others… hopefully, I'll be able to get my creative juices going and leave longer updates like this Damn. Why does ff.net have to be down right now for repairs?…. Gahhh….2 more hours until it gets back on…

R&R please! Thanks to everyone who reviewed and actually bothered to read this ficcy. :P


	8. Sakura and Rain

A/N: Wow… I was really surprised at the reviews I got, asking me to post more quickly… so I'll comply, and try to get this done by Sunday. Sadly I don't type everything up before I started the story and post them at random intervals… --;;; So I apologize. And… wow, people actually read some of the author's notes I put? O.o haha…. Well, since I got reviewers asking for a happy ending, then you'll get one. I have two planned out as I have said… but I think I'll put both of them. So people who aren't looking for a happy ending but a angst driven one will get it. XD Now, on with the fic! Oh, and by the way, what kind of S/ S is complete without a visit to the famous 'Tokyo Tower'?? Looll, just kidding. This just came on a whim.

Disclaimer: Like so many other writers, if we actually owned X, Seishirou wouldn't have a nice hole in the middle of his chest shaped like Subaru's hand now would we? And he would've said those 3 little words us fans wanted to hear. Dammit.

Other random notes: There is some Arashi/Sorata fluff in this chapter. Also, assume there is some time that passes before Kamui heads over to visit Hinoto and then to the Tojo buildings. He hasn't gone yet, so the scene between Saki and Fuuma has not yet happened yet, although the fight between Satsuki and Yuzuhira has been concluded. So in a nice little summary if you didn't understand what I just typed, Saki is still alive, Kamui hasn't gone over to Hinoto's yet and Yuzuhira's fight with Satsuki is already over.

Chapter 8: Sakura and Rain

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Earlier on that same day……

"Subaru-san is missing?!" Kamui yelled.

Arashi nodded. Not too long ago, she had walked to his room at the hospital, bringing some freshly made okonomiyaki with her.( courtesy of Sorata of course.) There had been a loud clatter that rang throughout the halls, echoing through the many rooms, synthesizing with the rumble of the wind from through the open window.

It was disturbingly quiet as Arashi had walked up. No sounds of sleep, no breathing. There was no noise as she touched the doorknob, aside from the fluttering curtains from the window. Eerily quiet.

And then the door had opened slowly and the tray had clattered to the floor. And the aftermath of it all was the best. Kamui had stumbled up to her, clinging hard on the wall, worriedly asking if something had happened; noticed the empty hospital bed, freshly clean and made, and had panicked.

Some tea would be really good right now, Arashi thought as she sat at the table in their shared home, holding her head in her hands. She gasped slightly as someone put their large hand onto her shoulder, and handed her a glass of hot tea.

She looked up into the kind face of Sorata. " You look like you could use some right now…if you need more, just ask."

Her melancholy lifted slightly as she gazed into the ever cheerful face of Sorata. She muttered a quick thanks and proceeded to stare the other way and out the window.

" Stressed?" It was more of a statement than a question, but nevertheless, it prompted a answer.

Arashi took a ship of the tea and put it down. The noise made by the movement of the cup from her hands to the table seemed to echo on and on…

She sighed. " Yes. Yuzuhira is missing, we don't know where she is… the spirit shield in Shinjuku is broken, Subaru is now missing and Hinoto can't see a thing."

Another sip of tea went in.

"We're almost at our wits end here. I want to help.. But Karen asked that if anything should happen, she would be the one to go… It's hard like this, not knowing when and where the Dragons of Earth will strike next and take another one of us down with them."

The cup of tea was now empty.

Sorata put his hand on top of Arashi's. " If anything should happen, we'll all try to stick together won't we? We'll get through… somehow."

Unexpectedly, he pinched a bit of her cheek and exclaimed, " I promised to protect you didn't I? I'll protect everyone as well. Now, it's time to go call Kamui and tell him it's dinnertime.

Sorata got up and left. With Arashi starring behind him, watching as he disappeared up the stairs. Absently, she touched a part of her cheek, feeling the ghost of a hand that was just there moments ago....

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Somewhere in Tokyo, in Seishirou's apartment….

Subaru sat in his seat at the table, munching on some Sukiyaki held between his chopsticks. Every time he looked up, he would blush and look down at his feet as it were the most interesting thing in the world he couldn't tear his eyes away from as he caught Seishirou staring at him.

Flushing, he thought wryly, '_isn't it supposed to be the other way around?' _Looking up and seeing Seishirou's single honey-brown eye and casual smirk still on him, he resolved to keep his eye down staring at the food and table the whole time. Food and getting it down his stomach was his first priority and he was not to be distracted from it.

Seishirou chuckled as he watched Subaru. Cute, he thought, like a child is with a favored toy. How strange that, that simile seemed to also represent his relationship.

He was the child.

Subaru was the toy….only, Right?

Obsessive and unwilling to share him with anyone. Doing nothing admiring the toy's beauty and almost perfection. Finding the toy cute as it did something absolutely adorable in the child's eyes. _How fitting. This was all it is wasn't it? An obsession with a toy. _Seishirou convinced himself. _A rather unhealthy one as well. _His mind added sardonically. It was nothing more nor less.

And he would be the only one to break that toy.

He hoped…… and chuckled again as Subaru once again caught him staring.

From the dinning room, silhouettes of a table, two chairs and two people could be seen and among them was the unsystematic, amusing, indignant cry of " Seishirou-san! Please… I can't eat with you watching me!"

Amusement trickled across Seishirou's face, briefly shattering the cocky mask that was plastered all over him. He then casually remarked, "The Sukiyaki is good… right, Subaru-kun?"

Some spluttering was heard and a gasped comment of, " Don't change the subject!" Came in as well.

" Oh my, I think we need to clean up then little tidbits of food all over the table. Such as waste….. Unless you would like me to feed it to you?"

CLAAAANNG!

The sound of a fork hitting the side of the wall echoed through the apartment.

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About 15 minutes after a meeting with Hinoto at the Diet building…… at the Tojo Pharmaceuticals building…..

Kamui shivered in the cold musky air of the stale room in the building. There was only Daisuke, Tojo and him in the room…. Yet the tension in the air could be sliced with a knife. Standing there in the middle of the room, trying to take in all the information he had just been given did not help as well, as there was a dark, slimy feeling his gut. Something was going to happen. He couldn't quite place his hand on what it was though. Would a dragon of Earth attack? Would yet another spirit shield collapse? Or was it just the paranoia that came with having to be on alert at all times, ready for anything that was to happen? Those questions plagued Kamui's mind.

He heard Mr. Tojo whisper, "That is a tale…." and the rest was cut off by the earthquake that shook at random intervals, stopping and staring again when one had thought it stopped for good.

The window crashed down onto the floor, scattering into deadly, ethereal, pieces. Kamui looked up from the remnants of the window and out into the open sky.

A lone silhouette standing out on the top of a building, holding a hand out and commanding his energy in a so controlling manner, stood out to his eyes. They narrowed.

"Fuuma."

With one foot out the window and the other ready to push his body upwards and out, Kamui held onto the cracked window edge. The was another rumble as the earth shook again and Kamui threw one last look to Daisuke and yelled as he fell out,

" Look after him." The Kamui's voice held a finality to it, saying that the order was not to be questioned.

The build shook again once more, as from a distance, the Dark Kamui smiled in a immoral way.

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"Let me go." I said to the man in front of me, blocking me from further continuing down the hall and out into the battlefield outside.

How strange. I, Subaru Sumeragi never got angry. Yet, my mind thought nothing of it, only frantically screaming about the duties I had and was obligated to do. _I never get angry…so why am I now? Of all people… Seishirou. I thought I would've been long angry and spiteful at him long before this._

I narrowed my eyes. " The bet matters to me , but I must help the Kamui." I frightened even myself with the deadpanned voice I was using. It was as if a alternate personality had taken me over. Scratch that. I think it has.

"No, I gave up my obligations as a Dragon of Earth for the time being as well. You should too."

" Since when has the great Sakurazukamori played fair?" I took another step forward and narrowed my eyes dangerously.

My mouth twitched slightly, catching the brief look of surprise that crossed across Seishirou's usually calm, controlled demeanor._ This isn't me! _I thought, panicking. _but… this IS me isn't it? _My mind reached a sudden conclusion. _This is me. This is the personality I had…. That I lost. The one I had.. Since Seishirou disappeared and Hokuto died._

It had to be, I observed as I found myself saying to Seishirou, " Jealous are we?" The voice. It was deeper, huskier, and disparaging. It didn't sound like me, or at least that I knew of…. But yet, my gut feeling was that it was mine. Only aged 9 years.

Watching myself, seeing all the movements, all little mannerisms I never knew I had. It was rather outlandish. There we go again I suppose.. With Seishirou-san. My future-self seemed to enjoy nothing but pestering Seishirou with an endless amount of sarcastic banter.

"Maybe you've misinterpreted that _Subaru-kun…._" the tone he used was quite frightening…. As if one was talking to a child that had just done something wrong and was reprimanded. Seishirou then smirked an took out a cigarette, watching amusedly from behind his dark sunglasses as my eyes followed his hands to his coat pocket.

"Smoking isn't good for you." I said wistfully.

He raised a eyebrow and smiled. " You should talk Subaru-kun… ah! Do you happen to have a lighter?" He knew… didn't he. He remembered. _Remembered what though?_

And I just happened to have a lighter in my trench coat pocket that I didn't even know was there. Great. Just great. I trudged over slowly and lit his cigarette. We were still in the hallway, ignoring the stares we were getting from the neighbors as well. The stares widened as Seishirou grabbed my arm and held onto it, bringing it close. His low voice rumbled in my ear.

"Let's go the Tokyo tower Subaru-kun…."

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I wanted to go to Tokyo Tower… but I need to go help Kamui. I thought frantically. But the want of just staying with Seishirou... just talking like before everything happened... I wanted it back so bad.

Temporarily, I forgot about Kamui and needing to go and help him. That thought seemed to have been alleviated from my mind. Vanished. Gone. Amazing how he could still do that. Amazing how he could make me forget what I was doing, and go and chase after him. It seemed that my consciousness was back in control.

And I would chase him to hell. I would chase him until the end of the world. I would chase him to the Amazon's if I had to… anywhere.

But that contemplation of recovering Kamui before he got in too far with the Dark Kamui came back to my mind. I gasped, and whipped around… and started heading back. Towards Shinjuku. Towards the rapidly collapsing spirit shield.

Something stopped me in the middle of the plaza I was in and yanked me back.

Sakura….. Blossoms…. And branches…..

I closed my eyes… "Seishirou-san.."

"Glad to see that you're back Subaru-kun."

His tone had changed again. Completely from before. It was light, teasing now, with a hint of annoyance.

" I don't understand you. I thought you wanted to kill me so badly. So why are you always running from me? Always running to your death."

" I'm not."

The grip on my hand tightened, cutting off my circulation for a second. I groped around and pulled out a ofuda. Gritting my teeth together, I pierced my thumb and dissolved the illusion. I dropped down on the floor, held my hands in front of me and yelled in agony.

Déjà vu …………

The ground shook under us again. The sunglasses were blown off his face. Revealing his two eyes. One glazed over with a transparent pearly white color, the other a shade of honey brown.

"Do you remember… rainbow bridge?" I heard him whisper. Then he lifted me up… and jumped off again.

Rainbow bridge….. That was the day wasn't it? The day were everything between us would be concluded. The day when it all ended. The day when I would get my wish. The day where everything just fell apart.

I remember Seishirou-san. Some of it. Some of those hazy memories in my mind...

Do you remember… what happened that day? Seishirou-san?

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Tokyo Tower… sometime after the collapse of the Shinjuku Spirit shield.

" So beautiful….." I heard him whisper.

I struggled up into a sitting position from my seat against the wall. My head banged all over, my vision fuzzy and diluted. I blinked a few times as I allowed my vision to adjust and clear.

It really was beautiful. I got up from where I sat on the cold hard floor and watched as Seishirou let his eyes run across the rugged terrain of the busy Tokyo metropolitan night life. Neon signs flashing on and off, in all sorts of strange and vivid colors…. Random ads scattered among the many huge towering buildings that stood across the panoramic view of the city. Truly picturesque……..

I shuddered suddenly remembering the remains of the destruction in parts of Shinjuku…. Shinjuku! By now…. It was probably all destroyed. Every single part… every building, every streetlight and road. Cracked, ground up and tossed away. It was over. I could feel it. The spirit shield had been broken there. There was nothing more that I could do. I gave up.

I nearly jumped when Seishirou offered a anpan[1] to me, holding it in front of my face.

"Now… since we'll all be destroyed in the process of destroying the world… why not have a anpan?" he said.

Offering a mumbled 'thank you' I took it and began munching on the yummy treat. Savoring its taste until it was jerked away from me. I stared at Seishirou for a moment, wondering why he did something so out of character.

"Your Kamui is fine. The other Dragons of Heaven are taking care of him…. And I…." His voice was so alluring… I could feel my heart beating faster and faster, pushing the last thoughts of the other Dragons out of mind. Hell. Even our little bet was out of my mind. He got even closer to me.

Seishirou lightly placed his lips on mine, locking us in a frozen scene of passion. The anpan dropped to the floor with a soft thud. Slowly, the kiss got deeper as my body automatically responded to his. His tongue forcing my mouth open, and allowing him entrance. My breath hitched, and my heart pounded. I couldn't think straight anymore. This was all that mattered. This one moment.

Even if it was selfish, thinking only of this.

While I knew in me, that others were suffering.

I was living for myself this one moment.

Just this one.

Before my fire of life would finally give out.

I would just enjoy this.

And keep it locked deep in me forever.

And it would never come out.

I'm so sorry.

I had to do something…. Something on my own.

'_I'm sitting here on the top observation deck of Tokyo Tower…. Kissing Seishirou. If it's a dream… tell me I'll never wake up. I'd gladly live in it forever.' _There were no more rational thoughts in me. I've been driven to the edge.

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" I'm living in a dream, from which I'll never wake up." - Cowboy Bebop

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A/N: Finally! Finished! One nice longggg very vaguely described smooch with our favorite Dragons. XD I think I want a happy ending too…. but.. Just for fun, I'll post my original sad ending up as well ( I know… I mean to them TT) And.. Er…. (blush) I don't think there'll be a lemon… unless someone is willing to write on and put it all up on AdultFanfiction.net…. Bleeaaaahh TT I don't think there will be. Sorry. Mmm…. Now… I'm not exactly clear with the events of X vol14 and 15.. So I'll need to do some research … and if there's any confusion with the events in the fic or anything, please tell me because I tend to get very vague in specifying things and forgetting certain details. Thanks to everyone who reviewed!!! And please R&R! Thanks again…

some more notes..............

[1] Anpan- a sweet bread stuffed with Azuki bean paste. ( it's also the stuff Seishirou was munching on for a few pages in Tokyo Babylon vol1. XD)

Tokyo Tower is also a popular tourist attraction and consists of two observation decks, a wax museum, nightclub and aquarium within its base. In the last scene of this chapter, Seishirou and Subaru are on the top observation deck. (And right now… Saying it's around 11PM-12AM, we'll have a nice little time trying to imagine exactly HOW Seishirou got in….. I don't think Tokyo Tower stays open that long does it? )

Ja mata!


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